He In My Life
by Her Pretty Smile
Summary: When I look at you, I get reminded of my past... and about who I am. When I touch you, I get reminded of what's real around me. If you go away... if you leave me... I might never be healed again. [NaLu and GrayLu; Eventual NaLu; Modern AU; Warnings inside]
1. Chapter 1

**He In My Life**

by Her Pretty Smile

 **Synopsis:** When I look at you, I get reminded of my past... and about who I am. When I touch you, I get reminded of what's real around me. If you go away... if you leave me... I might never be healed again.

 **Warning:** Unbeta-ed; may contain mistakes or any of the sort. English _is_ my third language, after all. **Also** , there are some religious themes here.

 **TRIGGER WARNINGS AHEAD!**

 **Disclaimer** : I do not own Fairy Tail. Hiro Mashima owns it. I also do _not_ own the songs here. They are as follows: ' Here In My Life' by _Hillsong,_ ' If You're Not the One' by _Daniel Bedingfield,_ and ' Empty My Hands' by _Tenth Avenue North._ You can listen to them while reading the story if you want. :)

[ **X** ] Just in case you missed it, this is a NatsuxLucyxGray story.

[ **X** ] **Trivia:** This is actually an original fiction of mine; I just changed the characters.

* * *

 **CHAPTER ONE**

* * *

 **[2002]**

* * *

" _You are my freedom_

 _Jesus, You're the reason_

 _I'm kneeling again at Your throne_

 _Where would I be without You_

 _Here in my life, here in my life...?_ "

Five-year-old Lucy Heartfilia sits on a chair overlooking the wide open window which reveals a stretched, beautifully melancholic landscape consisting of grassy lands, tall mountains, and a setting sun. The soft, childish melodies that come out of her lips are laced with pure sadness and loneliness, like an angel failing to reach out towards heaven.

Her father hears her singing from behind the shut doors. He closes his eyes in anguish as he thinks about the pain that his daughter is going through.

Jude Heartfilia has never been a man who knows how to comfort using words. He knows that he is awkward with others as he is awkward with himself. It agonizes him that he cannot ease his daughter's feelings, to assure her that even if the whole world seems to be crashing down at the moment, he is still by her side, and he will never leave her.

For Pete's sake. She's still too _young_. She shouldn't even be experiencing any of this. She's supposed to be a normal child who laughs with her friends and plays in the sandbox without any care in the world.

She's supposed to be _happy_.

She's supposed to be _smiling_.

She's not supposed to be _crying_.

A few months ago, he signed her up for the children's choir at a nearby church. The parish priest residing there is a close friend of his; he trusts Lucy in his care, and the former gives a silent agreement to watch over her as if she is his own child.

Jude had realized her talent for singing when she unexpectedly sang at her mother's funeral.

He had cried, then.

And the song she's now singing is the same song she sang before Layla's coffin. His _wife's_ coffin.

" _Where would I be without You_

 _Here in my life, here in my life...?_ "

The song is ending now. He knows it. He had heard it many times before. Whenever her voice fades and sounds as if she is about to cry, that is the exact moment. He had heard it a thousand times before. It also broke his heart a thousand times before.

Now he prepares himself for the wails that are about to come.

* * *

• • •

* * *

 _Dinner_ is the worst time of all.

Ever since she was a toddler, she has always loved vanilla cream pies as a dessert specifically for dinner. She loved the way her mother cooked it, the way the food melted in her mouth in such a delightful manner. She also adored it when it was paired up with a glass of warm milk and a small plate of frosted cupcake.

However, after her mother died, the enthusiasm had gone. Her father still makes it just for her, but when he once asked her if she would prefer something other than the usual cream pie, she had responded with a temper tantrum.

"It's the only memory I have of Mama! Don't take it away from me, you big meanie! No _no_ no _no_ **no**!"

He never asks her that again.

She does not like the way her father makes it. Where her mother's had that delicious melt, her father's is merely a warm, solid chunk.

She eats it, anyway.

* * *

• • •

* * *

" _Here in my life... Here in my life…_ "

She finishes her song and looks up to see the priest's worried eyes.

"Lucy…" he says gently, hesitance softening his features.

She tilts her head slightly. "Yes, Father?"

"I am not questioning your song choice, my child, but…" Again, hesitance seems to take him over, yet he continues on. "…is there any other song you wish to sing other than—"

 _"No,"_ she says immediately, shaking her head vigorously to emphasize her point. "No."

"All right, my child."

The priest watches her walk away and sighs.

 _The hole in her heart is still gaping open_ , he thinks, concerned. _It may take a lot more time to heal._

Sometimes, he wonders if it ever will.

* * *

 **[2004]**

* * *

"Hey, what's your name?"

In response, she stands up and brushes dirt off her white dress, all the while turning towards the curious expression of a dark-haired boy about her age.

"I'm Gray," he says after a few moments of silence from her. "I'm new here."

She still doesn't reply, only looking at him with a faintly curious look on her face.

Most people would either be creeped out or giving up on her by now, but he is stubborn. So, in response to her silence, he sits on the grass beside her standing form and rests his cheek on his open palm.

"I ain't leavin' till you talk to me," he mutters. Ever since he stepped foot into the church, none of the other children had bothered to greet him. He knows that all of them come from rich families because the holy sanctuary resides in the middle of the Victorian Subdivision, unlike him who comes from the countryside near the Glacier Mountain, a place where the cold does not leave them.

He finds something reassuring in this girl's presence, though. She carries herself with unmistakable elegance, and her quietness interests him. It's as if there's a compelling kind of maturity to her.

He thinks that he can be comfortable around her than the others.

He sees her blush faintly in embarrassment and knows that she heard him. However, she chooses to keep quiet still and proceeds to sit down as well.

As the moments pass by with the wind blowing strands of their hair, Gray decides to make a conversation.

"Ya know, I've always hated singing," he begins in a low, lazy tone. "I hate the way my voice sounds after I try to let it out of my mouth. I mean, yeah, it sounds okay, but it just doesn't seem right to me. I also hate the fact that the other kids can sing well and I can't. I hate the fact that my mother always praises me after I sing when I just _know_ that I actually sound horrible. She insists, though! She's really dumb, doncha think?"

"Sing for me," she whispers suddenly.

"… _Huh_?" He looks at her in surprise, not expecting her to talk to him so soon. Not to mention that her request has caught him off guard. "What… did you say?"

"Sing for me," she repeats softly, turning her head to look at him in the eyes. "I'd like to hear you sing."

Her voice is sweetly melancholic, a tantalizing sound to his ears.

He does not question her any further.

"… _If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad… today?_

 _If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours… this way?_

 _If you're not the one, then why does your heart return… my call?_

 _If you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand… at all…?_ "

Her eyes widen in response to his low, steady, and breathtaking voice. She cannot explain it, really, but there is a sadness in it that is laced with a childish undertone. There is also some sort of simplicity in the way he sings, as if doing it does not exert him any effort at all.

" _I'll never know what the future brings_

 _But I know that you're here with me now_

 _We'll make it through_

 _And I hope you are the one I share my life with…_

 _I don't want to run away, but I can't take it, I don't understand_

 _If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?_ "

His voice then turns soft and wistful, like he is trying to reach something which he cannot grasp.

" _Is there any way that I can stay… in your arms…?_ "

Slowly, she exhales the breath she hasn't realized she's been holding and feels her heart racing with some sort of excitement she hasn't felt for a very long time.

"It's bad, isn't it?" he grumbles, not finding it in himself to look at her. There is a pink shade colouring his cheeks, showing that he is a tad embarrassed at his performance. "I just know it. You're an honest girl, I've discovered, so you can tell me what I did wrong so I can—"

"You sounded amazing!" she interrupts, looking bemused at his pessimistic words.

He looks at her incredulously. "Wh—What…? _Seriously…?_ "

She nods happily. "Yes, _yes_! I've never heard that song before, though…"

She _does_ mean it. His voice is wonderful, even though there are some notes that obviously belong to a budding seven-year-old.

He mumbles under his breath.

She leans towards him closely. "What?"

He seems to be burying his mouth on his arm. "It's ' _If You're Not the One_ ' by Daniel Bedingfield. I've always liked it," he says in a muffled voice, sounding completely dumbfounded. Whether it's from when she praised him or the fact that he admired a sad love song which she now likes, she is not sure.

She smiles, all the sadness momentarily gone from her eyes. "You're really good, you know! I promise!"

"But…" he starts, yet his voice seems to drift off.

She stares at him in confusion.

"…I'm tone-deaf."

* * *

 **[2007]**

* * *

The church has always been Lucy's safe haven ever since she was little. Whenever she feels sad, angry, happy, or confused, she goes up to the top floor where the attic is and sits on the windowsill, looking longingly at the happy families going in and out of the church.

Recently, that same attic is also like home to her and Gray.

Gray is often sleepy nowadays due to his therapies early in the morning and late at night. He's determined to cure his ailment as soon as possible, but as the years pass by, there has still been little progress made. He still does not know the exact real difference between the sounds of a D and an A key on the piano since he is still confused, and neither does he know how the right pitch sounds in enumeration.

He once told her that whenever he sings, he sings based on intuition. He does not focus on the correct chords, instead trying to get the feel of the song in his head.

She thinks that it's an amazing talent.

When she said that to him, though, he had only smiled and patted her head. She understood, however, that he was thanking her. He does not need words to say what he feels; she understands him more than anyone else to be able to know what he means by his actions alone.

In the attic they share, she would always look out the window while singing religious songs which lull him to sleep. He would always curl up like a puppy on the lone bed in the corner, drifting off silently. In a pleasant, soothing manner, they enjoy each other's company, and on rare days where Gray had a full night's sleep, they would talk about anything, even if they are nonsensical.

The days pass by, and now she steps onto the podium of the church after one month of practicing for this moment. She looks at the numerous people in the room who are all looking at her expectantly, and she feels stabs of anxiety in her chest. She holds their gazes for a brief moment though before her eyes come to rest on Gray's onyx ones.

Holding his stare for a while before eventually breaking it, she spots the grand piano a few steps before her and sits on the chair, her fingers expertly hovering over the keys in a sweeping, elegant manner. Beside her, a few feet away, is Loke, a church member who plays the guitar professionally. He sends her a wink, signaling that he's ready. She smiles in response, her nervousness having melted away the moment her eyes met Gray's, and presses the keys, producing a suspenseful, melancholic melody.

"… _I've got voices in my head,_

 _And they are so strong_

 _And I'm getting sick of this…_

 _Oh Lord, how long_

 _Will I be haunted… by the fear that I believe_

 _My hands like locks on cages_

 _Of these dreams I can't set free_."

Her song is for the church, and she knows it. The church had often given her a semblance of peace inside her mind whenever she felt troubled and weary.

The Lord had saved her many times with His love, and she will always, _always_ be grateful to Him.

Also, He had given her Gray.

Gray, who had become her most wonderful blessing.

" _But if I let these dreams die…_

 _If I lay down all my wounded pride_

 _If I let these dreams die,_

 _Will I find that letting go lets me come alive…_ "

 _Gray_. He has always been an enigmatic person to her. He's always acting cool and doing things he wants to do. He doesn't cower under those who are clearly more powerful than him, and he isn't afraid to speak his mind.

" _So empty my hands_

 _Fill up my heart_

 _Capture my mind with you…_

 _Oh empty my hands_

 _Fill up my heart_

 _Capture my mind with you…_

 _With you…_

 _With you…_ "

She has always been in awe of him. She loves his carefree, kind personality. Though she is often embarrassed by his unusual stripping habits, she does not think any less of him.

She knows that it is a habit that he picked up from his mother.

" _These voices speak instead_

 _And what's right is wrong_

 _And I'm giving into them…_

 _Please Lord, how long_

 _Will I be held captive by the lies that I believe_

 _My heart's in constant chaos…_

 _And it keeps me so deceived."_

The first time she discovered this habit, she became so light-headed and was clearly on the verge of fainting. Gray had told her later that her face was so red that it closely resembled a tomato. Then, after laughing at her expense and more playful jabs while she kept smacking him, he apologized and explained everything to her.

" _But if I let these dreams die…_

 _If I could just lay down my… dark desire_

 _If I let these dreams die_

 _Will I find… you brought me back to life…?"_

She had met his mother twice. One time was when Gray invited her over for dinner. Their house was actually not so extremely far away from hers; it only takes a twenty-minute train ride. She had been so nervous back then, but Ur was a pleasant, hospitable woman (despite her few quirks), and she had always made sure that Lucy felt completely at home.

It was then after that same dinner that she witnessed ( _and she has to admit that it was a bit of a traumatizing experience_ ) mother and son unconsciously and simultaneously taking off their shirts while sitting before the fireplace.

" _So empty my hands_

 _Fill up my heart_

 _Capture my mind with you…_

 _Oh, empty my hands_

 _Fill up my heart_

 _Capture my mind with you…"_

The other time was when she ran into Ur who was carrying groceries. Lucy had offered to help, but the woman just smiled and waved it off, insisting that she could do it herself since she was still very much young and active ( _her_ words).

They then spent the majority of the day chatting about Gray's embarrassing moments ( _which Lucy used to tease him about later_ ) and other girl stuff.

That day, Lucy had felt like crying. Being with Ur felt like she was spending time with her real mother, one who she still misses very dearly.

So it wasn't any surprise that she broke down along with Gray at Ur's funeral. But what surprised them all was that he took it upon himself to go before his mother's coffin and sing what the latter told him was her favourite song.

It was then at that moment that Lucy realized that she and Gray aren't so different after all.

" _`Cause my mind is like a building burning down_

 _I need Your grace to keep me,_

 _To keep me from the ground_

 _And my heart is just a prisoner of war…_

 _A slave to what it wants… and to what I'm fighting for."_

Now, as she looks at her best friend, her precious childhood friend whom she made so many unforgettable memories with, she feels completely happy and content.

The scar on her heart that her mother's death had caused is now almost completely healed.

Just because of him.

" _So won't you empty my hands…?_

 _Fill up my heart_

 _Capture my mind with you…"_

She will never forget her mother. She knows that Layla Heartfilia is always watching over her.

Even _now_.

The song she's singing is for the church.

For the priest who has taken good care of her and has also watched over her all these years.

For her mother who taught her the meaning of love and friendship.

For her father who still loves her despite her shortcomings and despite her inability to always tell him how much she loves him, too.

For Ur who had regarded her as her second child, as the daughter she never got to have.

And the song is also for Gray… who gave her life meaning.

And that in itself is simply _amazing._

" _Empty my hands,_

 _Fill up my heart_

 _Capture my mind with you…"_

 _She feels so complete now._

" _With you…_

 _I need you now…"_

And then she is done, and she grins brightly at the clapping audience.

Gray, who is among the beaming crowd, gives her a proud smirk.

"I am glad you are happy now, my child," the kindly priest tells her afterwards, having sensed her bubbling happiness these days.

She nods. "Yes… I am. Thank you, Father."

And this time, she means it.

* * *

 **[2011]**

* * *

She looks at the mirror with wide eyes, wondering what she should possibly do about her situation.

She sees a fourteen-year-old girl with long blonde hair, large brown eyes, and a defined face curve. She sees panic interlaced with anticipation on her expression, clearly reflecting how nervous she is.

Her thoughts are, currently, practically jumbled in her mind to the point where even she cannot understand them, causing her to pace around her room in circles. She does not know what to do. What _do_ you do on a first date anyway?!

"I know what I'll wear!" she exclaims suddenly, making a beeline for her closet. In a rush, she fumbles through numerous articles of clothing until she finds what she's looking for: a sleeveless white shirt and casual denim shorts.

Grinning proudly, she wears them and marvels at her reflection in the mirror. Since the church doesn't really approve of any revealing or sexy clothing on its grounds and of course even outside the premises, she doesn't wear them. But Mirajane, her friend, had given her this set of clothes for her birthday, and she didn't know on what occasion she should be able to use them. She is glad that the opportunity has presented itself to her today. Sure, she's nervous as hell since it's her first time wearing this sort of fashion, but at the same time, it feels really good, like she's become a bird who's free of its cage.

But then her eyes catch the outside of her window.

It's _snowing_.

Sulking, she finds a suitable clothing to wear in her closet, but her mind is too muddled and dazed for her to be focused on what she's doing.

When she finally snaps out of her trance, she sees the time on her alarm clock on the bedside table and her jaw loses its attachment to her mouth.

 _8:45 AM_! She's supposed to meet Gray in front of the mall in _fifteen minutes_!

With a speed she has never used before, she dashes around her room, frantically pulling up a white knee-length skirt and putting on long brown boots. She then adjusts her black blouse before covering it with a brown fur jacket.

Within ten minutes, she is fully dressed and has pulled her hair into a side ponytail with bouncy curls at the end. She has also applied light makeup; a little lip gloss and some powder. She doesn't want to go overboard; she knows that Gray would want her to stay her simple self.

When she's out the door, she immediately begins to run through the heavy crowd. Frequent mist come out of her lips as she gasps and pants due to the cold weather, and her head is still spinning slightly.

In short, she's a nervous wreck.

All her life, she's been holed up in the church singing songs and overlooking the nearby beach. She has friends, of course, but she often prefers to be alone rather than have company by her side.

She has never even gone out once. _Ever_.

"Lucy!"

She turns around reflexively, and her face breaks into a smile as she runs towards her date.

Gray has always been a handsome guy even when he was a child. He is somewhat of an eye-catch among the girls; his spiky dark hair and magnetic onyx eyes combined often have a tendency to draw people towards him, curious about his seemingly aloof, cool, yet somewhat cold personality. But what turns them off is his unusual habit of stripping until he only has his pants left and his arrogant, brash behaviour. However, what those other girls don't know is that he is full of defense mechanisms, all created to save himself from the pain of the past.

" _I want to become a bodyguard just like my mom," he told her one day while they were lying down on the grass and watching the stars. "I want to protect those who are precious to me, too, and risk my life for them."_

 _He then turned to her with a reassuring smile on his face as if he already knew what sort of expression she had on. "Hey, don't look at me like that. I won't die the way my mother did. I promise."_

Gray takes one look at her and smiles. "Nice skirt," he comments. "Isn't that too old-fashioned-looking, though?"

Lucy gapes at him, then sulks at the nearby corner. "…I'm sorry… It's all my fault… I'll go back home and change…" she chants in a monotone.

"Whoa, hey." Gray laughs, placing his hands on her shoulders and gently turning her around to face him. "I was just joking. It may not suit other people, but it sure looks good on you. I mean it, all right?"

"…Really?" Hope flickered in her eyes as she waits for his confirmation.

"Yes. I do. Besides, that's what I like about you," he says bluntly, wrapping an arm around her and leading her inside the mall.

She smiles softly and blushes a deep red. "U—Um… Gray…?"

"Yeah?"

"Aren't you… n—nervous…?"

He ceases in his tracks for a moment and turns his head towards her, startling her by the sheepish expression on his face. "Actually… I _am_ nervous. Hey, this is my first time too, you know."

Lucy giggles. "So all this time you've just been acting cool."

His face turns red. "N—No, I wasn't!"

"Too late." She sticks her tongue out at him.

A tick mark appears on his temple, indicating his annoyance. "Why _you_ — Hey, come back here!" he yells after she squirmed out of his hold and when she begins to run away from him playfully.

He's a guy, so in no time, he has her in his arms, and he's tickling her ferociously, causing fits of laughter to break out from her lips.

"Oh?! _Gray_! _Lucy_!"

The sound of their names being called causes them to break apart, the blood rushing to their faces. It's embarrassing enough to show affection for each other in public, but it's a lot worse when friends are added to the equation.

Mirajane Strauss, a beautiful saint-like lady with warm blue eyes, approaches them with glee evident on her face. "Soo…" she drawls teasingly. "What were you two doing?"

"N— _Nothing_!" Gray and Lucy chorus.

"They were _kissing_! I saw them!" Lisanna, Mirajane's younger sister, blurts out.

"No, we weren't!" Gray denies, looking scandalized.

Lucy gives a mock-angered expression. "Am I supposed to be insulted by that?"

Poor Gray looks like he doesn't know what he should do until Mirajane and Lisanna laugh it off.

"I am disappointed in you, Gray," Erza says solemnly. "You did not act like a man."

"Aw, shut up."

Lucy can only laugh.

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* * *

 **[2012]**

* * *

"Will you marry me?"

The words are said casually, but she gawks at him anyway.

"What... What did you say...?"

"When we turn eighteen, will you marry me?" he repeats, looking straight into her eyes and lacking any form of embarrassment or shyness.

"I..."

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* * *

 **[2013]**

* * *

"The annual trip is here! I'm _so_ excited!" Lisanna gushes, her cheeks pink with excitement.

"I've heard that Singapore is quite lovely in winter," Mirajane interjects, giving her companions a sweet smile.

Lucy can't help but be affected by their contagious enthusiasm. "We're going to be riding a bus first, right?"

"Yes," Erza supplies. "Then we shall catch a plane after a few hours. Do you have the sweets ready?" she asks her boyfriend with subtle sparkles in her eyes.

Jellal chuckles. "Of course."

Cana grins, stretching her arms languidly. "I love plane trips."

Elfman's face significantly turns green. "A—A man doesn't go on plane trips," he says, slightly stumbling over his words. It's his first time, after all.

Lucy giggles, then laughs outright along with her friends as they ride the bus. Amidst the chaos inside, however, they randomly take seats in whichever direction.

A hand takes her own and she, startled, looks up at the towering figure.

"There are two empty spots behind the driver," Gray tells her. "Do you... want to sit with me?"

She almost explodes in a bubble of tomato-red in witnessing his obviously embarrassed, shy demeanour. "Of course!" she says a little too eagerly.

He smiles at her in amusement, all traces of meekness in his expression vanishing without a trace.

She punches him on the shoulder playfully. "Stop laughing at me!"

He can't help it; he chortles and ruffles her hair affectionately while he's at it.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop."

* * *

• • •

* * *

She stares blankly out the window, trying her best to reign in her fatigue. It has been about four hours since they've set out, and now she's bored to death. Her companion, on the other hand, had been busy fiddling his cell phone and she hadn't had the guts to interrupt him.

Besides, he looked like he was concentrating on it greatly.

"Lucy," he calls out suddenly.

Jolted out of her trance, she snaps her head towards him, her eyes sleepy yet alert enough to focus on him.

"Y—Yeah...?"

He hands over his headphones to her and smiles. "Listen to it," he urges her softly. "Maybe it can help you sleep."

Blinking, she nods, then wears the headphones.

" _If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad... today...? "_

Her eyes widen in shock, and then they turn towards him.

He stares back sheepishly. "Well, you've always said to me that the greatest gift that you want to receive is a playlist of the songs I sang, so here it is. Happy birthday, Lucy Heartfilia."

" _I don't want to run away,_

 _But I can't take it,_

 _I don't understand "_

Tears stinging her eyes, she wraps him into a desperate hug, feeling drastically overwhelmed.

"Thank you _so_ much. I—I know how much you hate singing—"

"No, I don't," he tells her softly, reassuringly. "I don't hate singing anymore."

He smiles at her then, full of love and full of life.

"Not since I met you."

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And then the bus crashes onto an incoming truck, sending itself tumbling on the road.

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* * *

• • •

* * *

"...blood pressure is decreasing..."

" _Stabilize her!_ "

"...never make it in time..."

"...too much blood...!"

She can hear the voices inside her head.

( _But she can't understand what they're saying._ )

"Her pulse is dropping!"

"Get me type AB from the blood bank! _Now_!"

"...lacerations on her legs—"

"—seemingly no serious physical damage on her brain—"

"...results of the CT scan—"

" _Hurry to the Emergency Room_!"

She sees a hazy light and it blinds her eyes.

( _What... happened...?_ )

"Miss? _Miss_! Can you hear me?"

"She's _awake_?!"

Her vision blurs when she tries to tilt her head towards the direction of the person's voice.

( _Where am I...?_ )

"Miss, can you tell me your name?"

( _Where are my friends?_ )

"Miss, if you can hear me clearly, please tell me your name."

( _Where's Gray...?_ )

"...Lucy..." she manages to croak out. "My name... is... _Lucy_..."

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* * *

 **[2014]**

* * *

Blood cakes her skin, and she trembles as she hugs herself and buries her head in between her knees and chest. The wounds she inflicted on her wrists are excruciatingly painful for she had never experienced some sort of serious injury before.

But she can't live in this world any longer. She can't live knowing that they're gone. That _he's_ gone.

Her father had been her pillar of support after the accident happened. But then he passed away a few months after discovering that he had cancer.

She had been miserable the day she knew that truth. She had had no one else; all of her friends were in the crash ( _he was there, and they were sitting beside each other_ ).

( _Oh, the blood. There was so,_ so _much blood._ )

They are gone, and they are never coming back to her.

 _Ever_ again.

 _She was screaming at him again. He lay there on his bed, listening painfully to her harsh, accusing words. He could feel the tears clouding his vision, but they wouldn't fall._

" _Lucy,_ please _—" he tried to say._

"NO _! You've betrayed me... You and Mama both!" Angry tears were streaming down her cheeks in rivulets. "You can go_ die _for all I care! You're going to leave me alone with no one to live for! I hate you!_ I. **HATE**. YOU! **"**

 _She stormed out the room._

 _She did not see the liquid falling down from her father's eyes and she did not hear the heart monitor alarmingly beep its emergency calling._

She whimpers and weeps to herself, already feeling drained, weak, and dizzy.

She is going to die now.

It is not a painless death, but it is worth it.

( _Don't worry. It'll be painless in heaven_ , the voice tells her.)

Suddenly the door makes a loud banging sound.

"Miss? _Miss_! Are you in there?!"

She does not answer.

( _Just a little longer_ , the voice cracks in glee.)

 _I'm going to be dead, anyway._

"Miss! _Miss Heartfilia_!"

In an instant, the door is slammed open, revealing a frantic nurse and two security guards flanking her.

Lucy gives an enraged gasp as the two men hastily yet firmly pull her up to her feet, intent on giving her emergency care.

"Let go of me!" she screeches, trying to push the strong arms away. "Let go! _Let go_!"

She feels the sharp stab of a needle pricking her skin, and her eyes slowly droop to a close.

 _No..._ No _..._

 _Gray...!_

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* * *

[ **2015, present time** ]

* * *

 _They say that time heals all wounds._

 _Is it really true, though?_

"Hey, I'm visiting you again," her soft, sad voice resounds across the deathly-quiet cemetery.

 _"Have you missed me?"_

* * *

 **tbc**

* * *

 **NOTE:** This story has been attracting cobwebs in my hard drive for a long time now, so I decided to post it up here. The story is finished and complete, but the next chapters are... ( _coughcough_ ) **badly** in need of revision. I'll update this when I have time, so the schedule is sorta irregular...


	2. Chapter 2

Kneeling in front of the grave, she places a well-cared-for red rose before the tombstone.

( _Her tears are threatening to fall yet again._ )

"Well, _I_ missed you," she says, wiping the wet trails from her cheeks. "It's been two years since that day, huh? I've left some carnations for Lisanna. It's her favourite flower, you know. Erza's are roses; I also found a blue tulip for Jellal. I don't know what Cana's favourite flower is, though, so I settled for daisies. Mirajane likes daises, so I brought some for Elfman, too. Also, I've been talking to them about you."

When she receives no answer, she continues, "I thought I saw you passing by my hospital room again. I got out the door, but you were gone suddenly. You... You've always been running from me. You _never_ want me to come to you...!"

This isn't the first time she has broken down and yelled furiously at his deathbed.

( _Two years is enough for me to realize there's nothing left for me in this world._ )

"Well, you know what? I'm eighteen now. I have been since yesterday. I'm a legal adult now. We can get married like we promised. I can get away from the hospital by forcibly withdrawing my form. I can then finally be with you, _forever._ "

She smiles.

"Of course, I'll have to ask permission from our parents first and have them bless the marriage, but that won't be a problem. They love me, and they love you. Nothing is a hindrance."

( _Nothing's going to stop me now._ )

"...Lucy?"

She freezes, then turns towards the source of the voice.

Ultear, Gray's stepsister whom she had gotten close to along with Ur long ago, stands before her, donning a black dress and an anguished expression on her face.

"Lucy," she says hesitantly. "Lucy, I..."

"You're just in time, Ultear!" Lucy says, rejoicing. "I want to be married to Gray as soon as possible—"

"Lucy, _please_..." Ultear looks broken. _So very broken_. "You're _ill_ , dear. Aren't you supposed to be in your hospital room by now...?"

Lucy's face darkens. "I should've known that _you_ of all people would _believe_ that lie—"

" _No_ , Lucy. It _isn't_ a lie and you _know_ that!" Ultear suddenly screams at her, her eyes manic-crazy. "You're in a state of denial right now! _Wake up_! Gray... is _dead_...! He's _never_ coming back. My brother is never..." Her voice breaks, and she drops to her knees, weeping loudly.

 _(He's gone for good.)_

Lucy can only stare at her, shell-shocked, before breaking into a run, frantically trying her best to get away as soon as possible.

She cries as her legs take her to an unknown destination. She cries as she remembers Gray's soft smile, beautiful voice, and tantalizing eyes.

She cries as the unbidden memory of seeing his charred, bloody, unrecognized body beside her resurfaces.

She finds herself dropping to the ground, weak and extremely grieved.

Why does it have to be like this? Isn't it enough that God had to take away all of her loved ones from her?! _Why_? What crime had she committed to deserve this kind of punishment? All she wants is to be with her loved one forever. Is that _too_ much to ask? _Is_ it?!

 _Even after two years, I'm still broken._

 _I will_ always _be broken._

She finds herself stumbling in the midst of a passing crowd in the streets. Lucy staggers slightly as she walks almost aimlessly, her mind filled with troubled thoughts. Some people shove past her in a hurry, eager to go to their jobs as early as possible. She pays them no mind, though.

 _Why, Gray…?_ Tears slip out of Lucy's eyes. _Even though you're gone… Even though all our friends are gone…_

 _The world is still going on… People are still moving at their own leisurely paces. They don't care._

 _They don't care at all._

Lucy sobs slightly and places a hand over her mouth, her heart aching dully in her chest. Feeling a little light-headed, she finds her way towards a familiar road leading to the park and settles down on a nearby bench.

 _What am I going to do…?_ She grasps tightly at the ends of her clothing, trying to calm herself. _I can't move on…_

 _I can never move on from you…_

Suddenly, there is a light poke on her shoulder.

Startled, her head snaps towards the source, her eyes wide in shock at the unexpected jab.

A male about her age stares back with a goofy grin on his face. His ebony locks are messy, _unruly_ even. His fathomless onyx eyes stare at her like they see right through her, and she can't help but swallow at their subtle intensity.

" _Hii~!_ " he greets, lifting a hand in greeting. Then, as if undergoing a slow transition, a frown curves his lips.

"Hey, you're crying again," he remarks.

Her mind jolts, and she realizes that this boy _looks_ and _sounds_ familiar. Though as to where or how she knows him, she does not know.

"Who — Who are you?" she breathes out, her tears ceasing.

" _Huh_? You don't remember me?!" This time, he tries to deepen his frown, but fails and instead smirks at her mischievously, throwing her off-guard.

"Well, it doesn't matter, anyway," he tells her dismissively, grabbing her arm eagerly. "I'm glad I found you here! C'mon, let's go!"

"Wh—Where are you taking me?!" Lucy exclaims, astonished.

"To that new carnival that just opened today!" he replies cheekily, causing her to uncharacteristically blush.

 _No._

 _No_.

 _Stop…_

"Why are you doing this? If you're feeling sorry for me... if you think that I'm vulnerable enough to be able to get carried away by your nonsensical whims... then _forget it!_ " she snaps, tugging her arm away from his grasp. "Who are you?! Why are you suddenly trying to take me somewhere?!"

A few people passing by are giving her strange looks, some even confusion and puzzlement, but she doesn't really care at the moment.

The boy stops in his tracks and looks at her with a hurt expression on his face, causing her adamant behaviour to falter.

 _This guy..._

 _He's so_ , so _familiar..._

 _Where have I met him before?_

"Lucy," he says, and she realizes with a jolt that he knows her name from the very start and she doesn't know _how_ he even knows her in the first place.

"What...?" she breathes out, baffled.

His stare is unwavering, disconcerting.

"You _know_ that I'm not that kind of person," he drawls. "You know me very well up to the core of your soul. It already wounds me that you don't remember, and now you push me away?"

She is once again taken aback by him. "N—No," she suddenly finds herself saying, "that's not what I—"

He shakes his head. "No, Lucy. It was exactly as you meant it. If you know me so well, I know _you_ well, too. We're like two peas in a pod. _Soulmates_ , even. Right? You even _agreed_ to it!" He gives her a small smile before touching her cheek. "But I won't make you remember right now. All that matters is that you have to smile and laugh and wipe that frown off your face. _Right now_. So let's go to that carnival!"

Still shell-shocked by the events that are seemingly happening all in one day, she lets herself get dragged by this boy. This boy who seems so familiar. _So heartbreakingly familiar._

For the first time in two years, she lets herself go this one time.

 _Just this once._

"Um..." she says tentatively, peering at him almost shyly. Even though there _is_ a nagging feeling at the back of her mind that she _does_ know him, they still apparently haven't met for a long time already.

He turns his head towards her in response. "Hm?"

"...What's your... name...?"

His eyes widen slightly, then he gives her the brightest grin she has ever seen.

"It's Natsu! You're the one who called me that when I had no name. You said... it symbolizes my demeanour."

Her eyes widen.

 _What..._

 _Is he... an_ orphan _...?_

 _Then how..._

 _How did I meet him...?_

Her mind spinning with unanswered questions, Lucy unconsciously slips into a trance, into her own personal world. She hates not knowing anything, especially when she has lost an important memory.

Why has she forgotten Natsu?

As she is about to open her mouth to ask him how they met, Natsu skids to a stop, signalling their arrival.

"We're here!" he sing-songs. "Hey, Lucy? What kinda ride do you wanna go on first?"

"..."

"Lucy? Hey. _Earth to Lucy_!" He playfully snaps his fingers in front of her face, effectively breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Huh?"

"I asked you what ride you want to go on first," Natsu repeats, pouting at the fact that she hasn't been listening to him.

"Oh. Um... Whatever you want," she mumbles feebly, incoherently.

"Really? Then let's go on the roller coaster!" He begins to drag her towards said ride.

" _Wh_ — _What_ _?!_ No—"

Too late. He has already sped off into the two empty seats with her trailing behind him. Before sitting, though, she pays the man operating the ride enough for one person.

"Lucy! _Hey_! Aren't you coming with me?" Nate asks, puzzled.

She shakes her head. "No, I don't like roller coasters."

"Hm? C'mon," he prods, taking her by the hand and positioning her beside him.

"What? No, Natsu, I've already paid for you. _Only_ you!"

He waves a hand dismissively. "It's all right. Don't be so uptight, geez! Even though we just met, we were the best of friends when we were kids!" He tilts his head teasingly. "So c'mon and join me!"

Before she can further protest, the engine hums, signaling the beginning of the ride. Panicking, she turns towards the man whom she paid earlier and is astonished that he doesn't even seem to notice the two of them.

What luck.

Swallowing, she grips the steel bars, feeling the fear slowly consuming her.

The memory of her going to a roller coaster ride with her friends about three years ago suddenly pops into her mind. She had insisted that she didn't want to ride, but Gray had asked her if she wanted to sit with him. She couldn't say no to him back then; he looked so excited, so eager. She couldn't squash him with disappointment.

So she eventually relented, but after the ride, she threw up her whole lunch.

It's a memory that she can never forget. She remembers Gray patting her back afterwards, giving her a reassuring smile as he promised her that he would never coerce her into anything that she didn't want again.

She had been grateful for his understanding and her love for him grew even more.

But Gray is gone now.

Natsu, so far, isn't _anything_ like Gray. So far, from what she has seen and witnessed, he's impulsive, brash, cheerful, and can be emotional at times. What Lucy can't bring her finger about him is the fact that he seems unpredictable enough to catch her off-guard. She has never encountered anyone like him before.

Suddenly a hand encircles her wrist, sending warmth towards her skin and into her veins.

"I'll be here by your side. _Always_."

It is said in barely a whisper, and she can't help but doubt her hearing.

 _Surely_ it is just her imagination?

At that moment, the roller coaster moves in a slow but steady pace. She shuts her eyes, waiting for the climax to come.

And when it does, she can hear Natsu roaring in laughter while she screams bloody murder.

• • •

"That was fun."

They are now eating their ice cream cones (or rather, only _she_ is eating. Natsu insists that he hates sweet stuff) while walking back to the hospital. Lucy knows that she has multiple therapies to attend to and that she is terribly late, but right know, she doesn't care.

Right now, she feels normal; every bit of the person she was years ago.

Deep inside, both her heart and her mind trusts Natsu so much that she is helplessly confused by her own self. Her mother had always told her not to talk to strangers or even go with them to places, but the moment she met Natsu, she felt a connection between them, like something — or rather, a _thread_ — is tying their own souls together.

Though it might sound cheesy, it is a disturbingly accurate description of what she's feeling right now.

"Yeah, it was," he agrees, grinning at her sunnily. "Wanna go there again?"

• • •

"You seem a bit better now, Lucy."

Inquisitive brown eyes look up. "I _am_ better. I have _always_ been," she says adamantly, clearly still not understanding why she is always being sent to the psychiatrist before her on a daily basis. There is nothing wrong with her, after all.

The doctor's expression turns solemn. "And I see that your perception is yet to be changed," she comments, sounding the slightest bit disappointed.

Lucy raises an eyebrow. What does she care, anyway? "None of your business," she mutters darkly.

She is not crazy. She's _normal_. Why can't people ever see that?

( _She just badly misses Gray, that's all._ )

They had overreacted after she just mentioned that she could see Gray sometimes. It's rightfully _ridiculous._

"I think it is very well my business, Lucy, because I am here to help you," the woman coaxes gently, her voice warm. "You are still suffering from post-traumatic depression."

"I'm _not_ —" Lucy begins angrily.

"Not to mention that you are also in a state of denial," the woman supplies helpfully, bluntly.

"I am not in a state of denial, you crazy woman," Lucy snaps, feeling the thin, thin thread holding her patience together break apart in an instant. "You may have been my friend once, Levy, but I will _not_ stand for this any longer."

"Lu-chan," Levy starts, referring to her patient by her favoured nickname unprofessionally, " _please_ don't do this. I'm trying my best not to let my personal feelings get in the way of my work, and you're making it really hard for me to do so."

"Then," Lucy says slowly, quietly, " _stop helping me_."

Levy can only watch, grief-stricken, as her friend walks out of the room as if leaving her behind forever.

• • •

She can't sleep.

Tossing and turning in her bed, she can't help but think about Levy. The two of them had been inseparable once, but that had all ended the day Levy moved to America with her family without so much as a word to her. Lucy had never felt so _betrayed_ in her whole life.

The moment she knew that Levy was going to be her psychiatrist, she flat-out refused, still feeling the sting of betrayal in her heart. She only three reasons for saying no: **1** ) she was not crazy, **2** ) she refused to see Levy, and **3** ) she did not want to relive any painful memories again.

To make her _talk_ about it is pure torture.

"Hey, Lucy, how's it going?" a cheery voice greets.

Snapping her eyes open, she turns towards the source, effectively out of her trance.

" _Na_ — _Natsu_?" she says in shock, gaping at the grinning boy from her windowsill.

"Yo," he says in response, waving at her casually without a care in the world.

" _Natsu_!" she hisses, quickly jumping out of her bed and going towards him hastily. "What are you _doing_ here? It's way past visiting hours!"

He waves a hand dismissively. "Nah, they don't know I'm here. And they _won't_ know," he intones, a mischievous smirk curving his lips, "...for now."

"You're an idiot," she grinds out, aghast.

"But I'm _your_ idiot," he says smoothly, rubbing his cheeks against hers affectionately.

Turning red, Lucy pushes him away, clearly disconcerted. "What are you doing?! _Pervert_!"

He tilts his head slightly to the right, looking confused. "Eh? What's wrong, Lucy? I thought you've always wanted someone to do that for you when you're angry."

Fully taken aback, her mind instantly weaves all sorts of possibilities as to how he came to rest on that little fact and none of them makes any sense.

"You — How do you know that?" She suddenly has a horrible, paranoid feeling that this guy might be a stalker of some sorts.

He pouts in response, looking greatly disappointed. "I told you, Lucy, I _know_ you from head to foot!" he whines childishly. "You even _gave_ me a name! You're really weird, ya know?"

"Was that back when I was young...?" she asks him cautiously, treading slowly.

"Yeah, when you were four," he tells her casually. "You always drew pictures back then, even people. You _loved_ to draw." Suddenly, his voice shifts to a low, quiet tone. "But now, you stopped drawing."

A lump in her throat immediately forms, and she tries her best to swallow it back. It's true that she had given up drawing after her mother's death. In fact, she has even forgotten that she had once been so passionate about sketching. In her growing years, she focused on her writing, singing, and composing.

Knowledge of drawing is gone from even the deepest recesses of her mind.

Though if she tries to sketch again, her prowess _might_ come back...

 _No_ , she thinks abruptly, shaking her head adamantly. _I will_ not _go back to the past again._

"I don't want to draw again," she mumbles. "No, I _can't_."

"No one's forcing you to, Lucy." Natsu, his voice warm, gently turns her around so that her back is facing to him.

"What are you doing...?" she manages to choke out weakly, suddenly exhausted by the unwanted memory back when her mother was alive.

She feels strong arms encircling her chest and soft hair tickling her cheek. Warm breaths heat her shoulder as their owner whispers near her ear.

"You've always wanted someone to hug you from behind. I'm more than happy to give it to you."

Then, as she has done many times ever since the tragic accident, Lucy cries, and Natsu's hold grows tighter.

They stay like that until she eventually falls asleep.

* * *

• • •

* * *

It's the day. It's _this_ day.

Her friends' second death anniversary.

 _Gray's_ second death anniversary.

In the early hours of the morning, she has already taken a bath and put on her clothes. She woke up a bit earlier than usual because she does not want Natsu to be inside her room again like he always does whenever she wakes up.

She does not know how he does it. Eerily, it's like he has become her stalker, always there wherever she goes and whenever she needs company. Ever since the accident, she has become incredibly lonely. Though she pushes people away with an iron will, she wishes for somebody to take her out of her black hole, to make her see the light again amidst her darkness.

The only person who insistently reaches out to her still is _Natsu._

She will _never_ admit it, but she has grown a little fond of him. He is everything like her ideal guy: caring, brash, great sense of humour, ever-smiling, protective, friendly, loyal, strong, and slightly possessive.

She knows that maybe, _just_ maybe, she'll eventually fall in love with him, but she also knows that it's _impossible._ Gray still keeps haunting her mind, reminding her of the wonderful memories the two of them shared and...

…the day he asked her if she would marry him the day she turned eighteen.

She still remembers her response—

"Lucy? Hey, where're you headed?"

Instantly, she breaks out of her trance and stares at him with wide eyes.

"You — _How_ —" she stutters.

But Natsu only gives her a cheery grin. "Are you gonna go visit Gray? I'll come with you!"

" _Wha_ — How do you _know_ Gray?" She gapes at him like a fish out of water.

Suddenly, the debonair expression on Natsu's face fades like an evanescence, replaced by a heart-stopping enigmatic mischief.

"You told me about him," he tells her casually. "Don't you remember?"

Frantic, Lucy wracks her brain for answers. She knows. She _knows_ that she has _never_ once mentioned Gray to Natsu.

So _how_ does he know him...?

 _Unless_...

He's been...

...actually _stalking_ her.

For _years_.

The mere thought of it almost sends Lucy into a near-hysteria as an overwhelming fear clouds her mind, making her body reflexively back away from him, from the pink-haired boy who suddenly looks like an evil Joker, a terrifying clown who holds her strings like she's his own personal puppet.

Natsu seems to sense her intense, consuming dread and his expression instantly falls. "H—Hey, Lucy... I—" he begins, but is cut off by the sound of her back hitting the wall.

"G—Get away from me...!" she yells at him, terrified and shaking immensely. "You... You're _despicable_...!"

Her words seem to have an effect on him judging by the way he jolts backwards as if he has been shot. Suddenly, she feels a heavy guilt weighing her down, almost pulling her to the ground by a strong gravitational force.

But she is still strongly suspicious of him, and no matter how friendly or nice or outgoing he may seem, _nobody_ can know so much information about her without her recalling how she had even told it in the first place.

Granted, he had told her that they met as children back before her mother's death which is plausible because her memories of those times in her life are blurry and uneven. All she can remember is the way her mother's sunken eyes had come to rest upon her form, staring at her with an eerily blank stare as she slowly faded away, taking her natural brilliance of an aura along with her to her death.

 _(And Jude and Lucy's hearts, also.)_

"...I'm not stalking you, Lucy," Natsu says in a whispery voice, a solemn expression taking over his face.

She frowns, clearly not believing him. "Then explain why you—"

"I can't tell you yet, but I promise you that it's not anything bad! I'm always with you because your heart tells me to, even though you can't bring it upon yourself to be honest," he tells her gently, walking over to her and tenderly, tentatively, pats the area once where her vital organ is located in the chest area, brushing the skin on her arm as he retracts his hand.

"I told you before, didn't I?" He smiles at her softly, melting her heart. "I'm your soulmate, Lucy. I will always," —he places a hand on the area where his own heart is— " _always_ be right here with you. Again, we're _best friends_!"

 _(You will remember me and I will heal you.)_

The overbearing silence filling the room after his statement sends Lucy into a jumbling mess of cogs and screws.

She doesn't know what to do.

( _She doesn't know what she should do.)_

 _What... What did he mean by..._

"I will always, _always_ be by your side," he assures. "I'll _never_ leave you, all right?"

... _oh, my God._

Turning red against her will, Lucy immediately grabs her bag and bolts towards the door, intent on getting away as soon as possible.

"Huh? Hey, Lucy—! _Wait_ —"

She ignores his call and keeps on running, not even noticing that she has bumped into her doctor on the way.

She just has to get away from him.

( _She does_ not _need this right now_.)

In the midst of her flight, she pants heavily, reaching the view of the cemetery after long, grueling minutes. The day is still stretched, but the sun is nowhere to be found. Ominous dark clouds start to thunder their way over, slowly engulfing the deep blue sky.

Lucy robotically walks over towards Gray's grave and takes out an iPod from her bag. Then, with excruciating care, she plugs in a mini-speaker and hovers her fingers over the play button.

"You've always wanted me to sing this song ever since I let you listen to it," she whispers, feeling oddly featherlight as she smiles a little at the engravement. "Do you remember that day?"

" _You should sing this, Lucy. It's your forte," Gray told her seriously._

" _I can't. I don't know the lyrics," she replied, looking at him with wide eyes at the unexpected request._

" _Sing this for me on my birthday, then. It's just three months away, and that's plenty of time." He grinned at her, making her mind spin rapidly._

" _All right. On your birthday."_

She never _did_ sing the song in his birthday, though, because the accident happened two months later, crashing that goal into smithereens.

With a deep breath, she pressed the play button and listened to the smooth, romantic sound of the saxophone flowing along with the soft melody of the piano.

"... _Just_ _like the wind,  
I've always been  
Drifting high up in the sky that never ends  
Through thick and thin,  
I always win  
'Cause I would fight both life and death to save a friend_

 _I face my destiny every day I live_  
 _And the best in me is all I have to give_

 _Just like the sun_  
 _When my day's done_  
 _Sometimes I don't like the person I've become_  
 _Is the enemy within a thousand men?_  
 _Should I walk the path if my world's so dead ahead?_

 _Is someone testing me every day I live?_  
 _Well, the best in me is all I have to give_

 _I can pretend_  
 _I am the wind_  
 _And I don't know if I will pass this way again_  
 _All things must end_  
 _Goodbye, my friend_  
 _Think of me when you see the sun or feel the wind_

 _I am the wind,_

 _I am the sun  
And one day we'll all be one_

 _I am the wind,_

 _I am the sun  
And one day we'll all be one_

 _I am the wind,_

 _I am the sun  
And one day we'll all be one_

 _I am the wind,_

 _I am the sun  
One day we'll all be one..."_

She finishes singing the song and listens to the soothing music for a while before eventually pressing the stop button.

"Was it any good?" she asks the grave before her, not even caring that she might be labelled mentally challenged at that moment. "I hope you heard me up there..."

Unbidden tears then well up in her eyes, and she let them flow down to her cheeks.

"Gray... I miss you so much. I know that I've said that _so_ many times, but I can't get enough of it. I want you here. I _need_ you here with me. I don't know what to do right now. Natsu, he... I _can't_ figure him out, Gray. He seems too... too _perfect_ for me. I—I don't even deserve him. Sometimes, he just feels so odd. It's like he's hiding something from me, but I don't know what it is. The whole picture just seems so strange, and I—"

 _(...I think I'm just afraid of falling in love again.)_

At that moment, thunder booms in the surroundings, creating an inauspicious aura. Thick raindrops then begin to fall from the sky, causing her to quickly place the iPod and the speaker back into her bag and seal it shut. After that, she lifts her head up into the sky in a slow motion, mesmerized by the sparkling water descending upon her.

She closes her eyes then and turns her head forward.

" _... I have never walked on water_

 _Felt the waves beneath my feet but_

 _At your Word Lord, I'll receive Your_

 _Faith to walk on oceans deep..._

 _And I remember how You found me:_

 _In that very same place_

 _All my failing surely would've drowned me_

 _But You made a way..._

 _You are my freedom_

 _Jesus, You're the reason_

 _I'm kneeling again at Your throne_

 _Where would I be without You_

 _Here in my life, here in my life...?"_

Vaguely, she remembers the very first time she sang this song.

It had been in her mother's funeral. Layla had always adored religious songs. She often articulated that it soothed the soul and regenerates one's purity.

There was a song that her mother always played in her parents' room which Lucy often heard a lot because her own room was adjacent to her mother's and also because the walls were thin enough for the music to pour through.

Lucy loved it, too. Whenever her mother would play the song, she found herself listening to it intently, enjoying its melancholy gentleness.

And then the time came that she was standing in front of her mother's coffin, staring at Layla's beautiful, pale features beneath the glass.

Lucy wanted her mother to be happy, so she sang the song in acapella.

It was for her mother, after all.

" _... You have said that all the heavens_

 _Sing for joy at one who finds_

 _The way to freedom, truth of Jesus_

 _Bought from death into His life_

 _And I remember how You saw me:_

 _Through the eyes of Your grace_

 _And though the cost was Your beloved for me_

 _Still you made a way..."_

A warm hand suddenly grasps her shoulder tenderly, making her turn her head towards the source.

"It's okay," Natsu tells her softly, reassuringly. "It's _all_ going to be okay."

Sobbing, she wraps her arms around him in a tight, vice-like grip, completely drenched in the rain. She feels his strong hands hug her back, making her feel protected. She can even feel his strong gaze directed forward as he pats her back softly, making her quiet down considerably.

And suddenly, she doesn't care if he's her stalker or not. She doesn't care if he's a secret serial killer or rapist or whatnot.

All she cares about is the way he holds her with such care, with such _love._

 _(So much love that she feels like her chest is going to burst.)_

They stay like that for a long time.

* * *

 **Info** : There is a reason why Natsu didn't get motion-sick in the rollercoaster ride.


	3. Chapter 3

[ **X** ] The song here is Hunter Haye's 'Wanted'. Go listen to it if you're interested! :)

* * *

"No." Lucy shakes her head adamantly at the absurd suggestion. " _No_. No way."

"But you know you want to, Lucy," Natsu whines, pouting. "You've _always_ wanted to do it. So c'mon, don't be such a weirdo!"

She twitches in response, restraining herself from personally rearranging his face. "No means _NO_ ," she says with a tone of finality in her voice.

In the end, though, despite her inexorable attitude, he manages to drag her to the nearest friendly, wholesome club, ushering her into a vacant seat.

"Aren't you going to sit, too?" she asks him in a loud voice over the cheers from the lively audience.

"No," he replies, giving her a reassuring smile. "You just sit there. I promise I'm fine here."

Though Lucy still looks unconvinced, she eventually relents and instead tries to listen to the host of the club as he speaks into the microphone.

"So, the time as of now is 3:00 PM. At this moment, we declare an open stage. Is there anyone here who would like to sing?" he announces cheerily to the clapping audience.

In an instant, a definite chorus of approval resounds across the room, numerous _'I will!'_ declarations reverberating in Lucy's ears.

" _I will!_ " a loud, firm voice asserts, effectively drowning out the others' voices.

Lucy's eyes widen.

It's _Natsu_.

"We have a singer! Come here on stage!" the host invites eagerly.

With wide eyes, Lucy watches as Natsu goes towards the podium and takes the guitar from the chair. Then, he turned around and gave her a dazzling grin.

A deep, scarlet hue immediately spreads over her cheeks.

Suddenly, to Lucy, everything seems to be in slow motion. The candlelights that illuminate the room seem blurry. The voices of the crowd seem to be a hushed into a quiet background noise along with their sluggish movements.

Suddenly, all Lucy can see is Natsu.

Him.

 _Only_ him.

 _(...Not even Gray comes to mind.)_

She can see his fingers strumming the guitar expertly. She has heard of the song he's playing long ago, though vaguely, but she can still remember the pattern.

The first time she heard that song, she fell in love.

It was two years ago. A month after Gray's death. She heard it on the radio in the next room from hers.

She has always wanted someone to sing it for her.

And now, she has her wish.

 _"You know I'd fall apart without you_

 _I don't know how you do what you do..."_

 _Badump. Badump._

 _What is this...?_ she thinks dazedly, unconsciously placing a hand over her chest.

 _It's my heart..._ she realizes.

 _Beating... wildly..._

 _"'Cause everything that don't make sense about me_

 _Makes sense when I'm with you..._

 _Like everything that's green, girl, I need you_

 _But it's more than one and one makes two_

 _Put aside the math and the logic of it_

 _You gotta know you're wanted too..._

 _'Cause I wanna wrap you up_

 _Wanna kiss your lips_

 _I wanna make you feel wanted_

 _And I wanna call you mine_

 _Wanna hold your hand forever_

 _And never let you forget it_

 _Yeah, I, I wanna make you feel wanted..."_

Natsu's eyes are looking right at her as she sings and she can't help but swallow heavily. His eyes are so intense and piercing through her soul.

It's _aggravating_.

 _"Anyone can tell you you're pretty, yeah_

 _And you get that all the time,_

 _I know you do._

 _But your beauty's deeper than the make-up_

 _And I wanna show you what I see tonight_

 _When I wrap you up_

 _When I kiss your lips._

 _I wanna make you feel wanted_

 _And I wanna call you mine_

 _Wanna hold your hand forever_

 _And never let you forget it_

 _'Cause, baby, I, I wanna make you feel wanted..."_

Her lips move in small motions as she silently sings along.

She feels hard liquid welling up in her eyes. The song is opening her walls, making her vulnerable, emotional.

She has never felt _so_ happy before.

 _"As good as you make me feel_

 _I wanna make you feel better_

 _Better than your fairy tales_

 _Better than your best dreams_

 _You're more than everything I need_

 _You're all I ever wanted_

 _All I ever wanted..._

 _And I just wanna wrap you up_

 _Wanna kiss your lips_

 _I wanna make you feel wanted_

 _And I wanna call you mine_

 _Wanna hold your hand forever_

 _And never let you forget it_

 _Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted_

 _Baby, I wanna make you feel wanted..."_

At that moment, Natsu's gaze on her is seemingly penetrating.

" _You will always be wanted... "_

After the song, Natsu runs up to her, his serious look gone and replaced by his trademark grinning expression. Reaching her, he slings an arm around her shoulder, rubbing his cheek against hers affectionately and not noticing her tomato-red face.

"You know that that song was for you, right?" His voice is low and steady, his breathing tickling her ear. Her skin tingles all over at the slightly intimate touch, sending goosebumps up her arms and the back of her neck.

"Y—Yes," she manages to stammer out.

( _Because you never stopped looking at me the entire time._ )

His lips stretch into an almost impossibly wide line, causing his expression to turn out extremely pleased by her answer.

" _Great!_ Did you like it, then?"

"...You have an _amazing_ voice," she breathes out.

 _"It's bad, isn't it?" he grumbles, not finding it in himself to look at her. There is a pink shade colouring his cheeks, showing that he is a tad embarrassed at his performance. "I just know it. You're an honest girl, I've discovered, so you can tell me what I did wrong so I can—"_

 _"You sounded_ amazing _!" she interrupts, looking bemused at his pessimistic words._

 _Gray looks at her incredulously. "Wh—What…?_ Seriously _…?"_

Suddenly, a wave of guilt washes over her, and she stumbles back, gradually stepping away from him.

His gaze on her is filled with concern. "...Lucy?" he asks her tentatively.

Slowly, she shakes her head over and over as if willing all this to be just a dream. " _No_ ," she whispers, afraid. "No... This isn't right."

"What isn't right? You have me, don't you?" he presses softly, further breaking her resolve.

" _No_! I love _Gray_!" she all but shouts at him. "There will _never_ be anyone else for me but _him_!"

"Lucy—"

"No! Stop! _Don't_ come near me—"

" _Lucy_."

The grave seriousness in his voice causes her to instantly cease in her ministrations as she stares at him with wide, scared eyes.

But before he can speak, a group of guys pass by them, and suddenly, she hears an appreciative whistle.

"Hey there, pretty girl," a guy with messy chesnut-brown hair calls out, giving her a flirty wink as he eyes her up and down.

However, despite her feared expectations, the moment only stops there. The elegant-looking group then disappears into the crowd, blended by the people's variety of colours.

Lucy lets out a breath of relief which she hasn't realized she's been holding.

All of a sudden, she hears a low growl escape from Natsu's lips and she turns towards him, surprised by his sort-of aggressive response.

"...Natsu...?" she asks tentatively, hesitation lacing her words. "Are... Are you okay...?"

His pupils dilating, their gaze eventually comes to rest upon her face, his expression not the least bit pleased.

Abruptly, without warning, he takes her by the wrist and guides her towards the back door.

" _Wha—?_ Natsu, where are we going?" she cries out in alarm.

" _Out_ " is his muffled reply.

A cold gust of air blasts onto them as Natsu opens the back door, relentless snow greeting them outside.

Silently, he leads her towards a relatively warm area where the back of the wide fireplace inside is located and proceeds to take off his jacket.

She looks at him with wide, wide eyes. "What...?"

Ever so gently — _tenderly_ —, he drapes his thick coat over her shoulders and grips it at the sides, wrapping it around her as much as possible.

Her eyes can't get any wider now.

His eyes, on the other hand, are hooded, not giving anything away. He stares at her through his unruly bangs, unnerving her by his intensity.

"What's... wrong...?" Her voice comes out in barely a whisper.

He hears her, anyway. " _Lucy..._ "

Her breath instantly catches in her throat at the tone of his voice.

"I didn't like the way they were looking at you."

And her cheeks flame tomato-red.

* * *

• • •

* * *

"Wanna go to the park?" Natsu asks her one day, peering at her closely for her reaction.

"Why there?" Lucy asks, still not looking at him and only keeping her gaze forward.

From her peripheral vision, she can see Natsu's lips form into a frown.

"Hey, Lucy, why aren't you looking at me?" he asks, looking perplexed.

"Because you're stupid," she shoots blandly, completely aware of her hurtful words but forcing herself to spit them out of her mouth.

( _Because I don't want to fall again._ )

Ever since the day he told her those words—

" _I didn't like the way they were looking at you."_

—her heart has begun to make flip-flops in her chest whenever she sees him.

( _Whenever she sees that grin._ )

( _Whenever she feels his touch._ )

( _Whenever she sees him look at her._ )

(.. _.Gray has never sprung up in her mind even once_.)

" _Hey_! I resent that, you weirdo," he says, smiling at her cheekily as he proceeds to tickle her. "Who's the stupid one _now_ , huh? Who? _Who_?"

"S—Stop!" Lucy breathes out in between giggles. " _Natsu_! People are l—looking at us!"

It's true. Passers-by gaze at them — more directly at Lucy, though, perhaps due to her incessant laughter — as if they are crazy. Inwardly, Lucy can't blame them; they are probably thinking that she and Natsu have been fooling around with a loudness that is higher than the average volume. However, it doesn't erase the feeling of sheer embarrassment. She can also spot a passing couple who stare at her oddly while she smacks Natsu's arm, urging him to stay still and quiet down. Even an old woman nearby shakes her head ruefully, having what might be described as a nostalgic expression.

"Hey, I ain't the weirdo. _She_ is!" Natsu protests, pointing audaciously at Lucy, who in turn sends him an offended glare.

"No, I'm not!" she defends passionately, earning her more weird looks from the people. In response, she immediately quiets and tugs at Natsu's sleeve.

"Come on, Natsu. Let's get out of here. Their stares and shrugs are starting to creep me out."

Natsu lets himself get dragged by her, but not before he quips, "Maybe it's because you're still wearing your hospital gown, dummy."

Lucy stops for a moment and gapes at him. "And you didn't even bother to _tell_ me about it? _Great_. Thanks a lot, you know! Now I've become the laughingstock of the street!"

"I was about to tell you earlier, but you were acting so weird, not even bothering to look at me, so it slipped my mind," he says, raising his arms as a form of surrender.

Lucy sighs. "All right, fine. I'm sorry. I've been irritable lately."

"Is it because you're PMS-ing?" Natsu asks innocently.

" _Hey_! Why you—" Lucy fumes as her prey runs away from her, sticking his tongue out like a child. She can only grin at his display of puerility as she follows. "Natsu, when I get my hands on you — hey _, slow down_! Stop right there!"

* * *

• • •

* * *

There is a knock on the door.

"Lucy Heartfilia?"

The familiar austere voice of her personal nurse rings in Lucy's ears, startling her from her half-asleep state. She and Natsu had been goofing around until it was late in the afternoon, so she had to hurry back to the hospital in order to not alert Evergreen of any sort of emergency that might have happened to her.

However, it is very rare that Evergreen would come visit her _this_ late at night. Usually she'd check on Lucy three times a day; 10:00 in the morning, 2:00 in the afternoon, and 7:00 in the evening. She _never_ misses a schedule. That's just how serious Evergreen is about her job — _and_ her responsibility as an aunt.

 _I wonder what she wants…_ Lucy wonders. "Come in, Ever."

Ever is her nickname for Evergreen.

Evergreen Heartfilia steps inside the clean, furnished room, looking every bit as strict and no-nonsense as Lucy knows her to be. Her hair is nearly to the point of greying; however, it still looks smooth and neat, similar to a young woman's. Her eyes are hawkish and the colour of a deep-brown sand, embedded with natural intelligence and confidence. It's no wonder that she always remains calm and composed even when in the face of trouble since she is the sort of person you'd see and already believe that she can never be easily struck down by anything — not even lightning.

"I've heard that you have a friend, Lucy" are her first words upon entering. She walks towards her niece with intent in her steps, her aura almost glowering intensely.

Lucy immediately sits up, her sleepiness forgotten. In her slightly hazy vision, she cannot distinguish with certainty the look on Evergreen's face, but it seems akin to that of disgust.

Lucy's eyes narrow. "Yes, I do, and he's nice. He and I always have fun. He takes me out of this dreary, expensive hospital because he knows that I'm always going stir-crazy in here! He _cares_ for me! He is _nothing_ like you."

It's sort of a low blow, and she knows it, but she is just so angry and offended at her aunt's implied insult to Natsu that all reason has left her. She couldn't just stand by and ignore the condescending undertone she heard; it's not in her nature.

But Evergreen only looks fairly unaffected, much like the stone woman she is known as in their family.

"Does he know about your mental condition in which you can sometimes hear voices whispering at you to take your life? Does he know that you're still madly in love with a dead person?" she drones on ruthlessly, _mercilessly_. "Does he—"

" _Stop it_!" Lucy shrieks, covering her ears so she won't be able to hear any more poisonous words coming out of Evergreen's vile tongue. "Stop _torturing_ me! _Why_ are you _doing_ this to me?!"

Evergreen grasps her arm firmly. Lucy tries to yank it out of her grip, but the woman is too strong.

"Lucy, _listen_ to me. He is _not_ good for you. He will only hurt you in the end. Don't you understand?! My son—…"

The fight left in Lucy instantly leaves her body after hearing the last two words. She doesn't want to believe her assumptions about what Evergreen might have implied, but the look on the frozen woman's face has only served to prove her guess at least 80% correct.

"Your… _son_ …?" Lucy manages to say. Her throat suddenly feels dry and it is difficult to get the words out. "Is Natsu… your _son_ …?"

But Evergreen doesn't seem to hear her. Her gaze looked faraway, _too_ far away for Lucy to reach. It is as if the woman is remembering memories which have deeply embedded themselves in her heart.

"I will… see you tomorrow," Evergreen finally speaks softly. "We will continue this some other time."

When Evergreen leaves the room, Lucy is still in a state of disorientation.

The Ever she knows doesn't act like _that_! Ever is supposed to be bossy, patronizing, and rigid. Ever _doesn't_ speak _softly_. She speaks _clearly_ and _firmly_ , like a seasoned professor who has been subjected to the same subject for more than four decades.

Ever doesn't _stammer_.

Lucy falls asleep still thinking about her aunt's uncharacteristic behaviour.

* * *

 **tbc**

* * *

[ **X** ] Thank you so much for the lovely reviews! ^^


	4. Chapter 4

When Natsu sneaks her out of the hospital again through the back door, she doesn't know what she should say. Suddenly, she doesn't know how to approach or breach the subject without any sensitivity surfacing, so she settles for being quiet instead, only listening to Natsu's casual chatter.

It's pretty much a strange feeling since she has never really felt anything close to awkwardness in her time with Natsu. Because of it, Lucy starts to reevaluate her relationship with him and why being with him is so different compared to her past friendships. _Why_ do they both fit each other so well?

Is this what they call _destiny_?

That cheesy word?

Lucy has never believed in that term ever since the accident. Her faith in God has dwindled drastically; she doesn't know _what_ to believe in anymore. She hasn't even been back to the church for a long time now.

She doubts that anyone there misses her anyway.

"What's up?" Natsu's voice drones in her ears, effectively bringing her out of her contemplative state. "You okay, weirdo?"

Lucy stops in her tracks and stares at him. Natsu has always been like an open book; his feelings are often there, laid out in the open for her to see. It has been something which she appreciates because she does not really like to have to read between the lines and to analyze the person's words and demeanour carefully before finding the right words to say. She liked doing that in the past since she had dreamed of becoming a guidance counselor or even a psychologist/therapist when she grew up, and she enjoyed it even though she _did_ find it a little difficult to do. She did that with Gray at times, even.

But now that he's gone…

 _I'm getting out of track_ , Lucy thinks, shaking her head to will her train of thoughts away and focusing instead on Natsu's disarming expression.

 _Say it_ , she forces herself. _Now is the right time._

 _Say it now or you'll never get the chance to pick up your courage again._

"…I was just thinking, Natsu…" Lucy finally says nervously, clasping her hands together. "Where… are your parents…?"

She expects him to withdraw to himself, to clamber inside his shell like Gray did sometimes during discussions about a sensitive topic, but she isn't prepared for the cheerful smile he promptly sends her way.

"I'm an orphan," he replies easily. "Didn't I tell you that the first time? You were even the one who told me that it was the term that fit me best."

Lucy can only vaguely register the fact that her mouth is opening and closing like a fish out of water; she is much too astonished to care about what she looks like right now.

"I—I _did_ …?" she stammers in disbelief. "But why can't I remember? Have I acquired some sort of amnesia because of… because of the accident…?"

 _Wait a minute…_ Lucy quickly puts herself together in order to think logically. _Ever was Mom's childhood friend even though she's my father's sister, and I can recall that Ever always used to come to the house when Mom was still alive. And since Ever is married, after all… then that means… Natsu really_ is _her son?!_

 _But why did I call him an orphan back then? Or maybe we were just role-playing and Natsu is only kidding… But if we weren't, then why would he lie about his parentage? Were mother and son having a such a deep-rooted fight that they even resort to not caring about each other anymore?_

Thinking about all these causes Lucy's head to hurt and spin erratically. Figuring out who Natsu really is makes her exercise her brain, especially because he won't tell her _anything_. Why the secrecy anyway? _Why_ won't he let her know about him?

Or is he ashamed of his past…? Is _that_ it…? Or is he ashamed of something else?

 _Did something happen between the two of us back then?_

 _Just what on earth is the whole story?!_

"You can't remember because it's not yet the time for you to remember, stupid," Natsu tells her lightly, interrupting her thoughts. He then pokes her playfully on the forehead, causing her to stumble back in surprise at the sudden action. "So don't beat yourself up thinking about it, all right?"

"But _why_ isn't it the time for me to remember?" Lucy's voice is pleading. "How do _you_ know? Who _are_ you, really? _Why can't you let me in?_ "

Natsu is quiet for a moment. Lucy thinks her heart is about to explode from all the pounding it's doing.

Then he finally speaks in a soft voice, "No, Lucy. It's _you_ who won't let me in."

… _What? What is he talking about?_

"I… I don't understand what you're saying," Lucy manages to stammer.

He smiles a sad smile. "Your mind is still clouded. You're not ready yet, Lucy."

 _What does he mean I'm not ready yet?_

 _I don't understand!_

Lucy comes back to the hospital in a daze, her mind still reeling from confusion.

 _Does he mean that… I still can't move on…?_

* * *

• • •

* * *

Natsu looks around, hoping that no one here, _especially_ Evergreen, will see and recognize him. He is wearing a hat and oversized glasses in order to hide his identity along with donning a large suede jacket. His eyes have become the colour green with the help of contacts and his eyebrows become thicker due to an eyebrow pencil he ' _borrowed_ '.

He walks up to the nurse standing by the counter. "Uh, excuse me…" He pitches his voice low as part of the disguise. "Can I ask about Lucy Heartfilia's condition? I'm her friend…"

"Miss Heartfilia's friend?"

Natsu immediately steps back, unconsciously gulping in apprehension as a short, stern-looking man walks towards him with intent in his steps.

The man notices Natsu's wariness and smiles, his hard features softening considerably into what seems to be a complete transformation of his countenance. It lessens Natsu's guard and he stays in place, waiting for elaboration.

"Please, relax. I am Miss Heartfilia's personal doctor, Makarov Dreyar." The man pats Natsu's shoulder, and somehow the latter can see that there's some sort of recognition in Dr. Dreyar's eyes, causing him to become confused as to why the older man seems to know _exactly_ what it is all about and why he came here.

"I trust that you want to know about your friend's condition?"

Natsu nods, looking determined. "Yes. I would also like to know how she can recover, please."

Dr. Dreyar smiles that mysterious knowing smile again. "All right. Let's go to my office, then. We can have some privacy there."

When they are safely inside, Dr. Dreyar offers him a seat, to which Natsu gladly takes upon since he feels tired from… _what_? What _did_ he do that made him feel this fatigued?

"Miss Heartfilia was, as you must already know, involved in a fatal accident about a year and a half ago," Dr. Dreyar begins, effectively snapping Natsu out of his thoughts. "The accident caused the loss of her closest friends and… her loved one. The extreme shock and trauma caused her into developing an ingrained belief that it was _she_ herself who made her family and friends die, what with having lost her mother at a very young age and her father taken by cancer just two weeks after the accident. This had caused her to commit suicide numerous times, and days after she finally gave in and shut herself off from the world, refusing to eat or drink. We had to place an IV on her so she wouldn't die from lack of nutrients and fluids." Dr. Dreyar's expression softened into that of worry. "From what I've gathered so far, she seems to be exhibiting symptoms of schizophrenia due to post-traumatic stress disorder. It's further proven by the fact that she once mentioned that she could see her past love sometimes, even though he has been dead for years. She has also been observed to have a… rather troubled and stubborn mind by witness of her personal therapist. In fact, Miss McGarden even suspects that Miss Heartfilia hears a few voices only she can hear."

Natsu listens to all of these with a grim look on his face, his mouth stretched into a very thin line in order to suppress his emotions from showing. Dr. Dreyar, however, due to his years of experience, has a sharp eye. He can see the disconsolate, frustrated tears in what he can perceive as a young, fragile child's eyes.

"I—I see…" Natsu manages to stammer after shaking away his despondency. His brain is still trying to process all of the information completely; it all seems just too surreal to be true. The doctor's words had seemed far away, distant, as if he were telling a story about someone else, someone Natsu does not know.

"…Doctor?" he inquires almost timidly after what has seemed to be like eternity. "Can she recover? And… will it take a long time?"

Dr. Dreyar smiles, looking oddly too pleased at his question. "She can only recover if she accepts the past. Only if she accepts that what happened wasn't her fault and then move on. It's that simple, yet understandably _very_ difficult for her to do so. Since she refuses to take Risperidone or any other antipsychotic drugs, it is her only hope of clearing her mind of nagging negative disturbances. As for how long it takes…" Dr. Dreyar looks at Natsu straight in the eyes. "Well, it all depends on the person."

Natsu nods slowly, processing it all in his mind. "…Thank you, doctor."

Before he can go on his way, Makarov stops him.

"I haven't caught your name."

Natsu hesitates. "…It's Nathan."

"I see," Makarov says kindly. "I wish you the best of luck, Nathan. Please help her recover. "

* * *

• • •

* * *

Lucy closes the door of her hospital room with a hint of a smile on her face.

"Thank you… Natsu."

* * *

• • •

* * *

Later that night, voices can be heard arguing outside Lucy's room. The latter, however, is in a deep sleep, having been lost in thought about the doctor's words to Natsu which she eavesdropped in earlier.

"Why aren't you worried about this _at all_ , doctor?!" Evergreen half-yells, something which is already a bit unlike her behaviour.

"Evergreen, please calm down," Dr. Dreyar tells the angry woman. "You might wake Miss Lucy."

At that, Evergreen's voice lowers and softens in response. She mutters something under her breath which Makarov can't seem to catch other than her last few words.

"…my son," she is saying.

Makarov's expression softens. "I know how you feel about your son, Evergreen, but please understand—"

" _No!_ Lucy will only suffer in the end if she's with him. That boy… I can already imagine what he will do to her in the end. It's the same as what happened in the past!"

"Lucy gets better with him around," Makarov insists softly. "He gives her the strength to recover. She has become a lot better than anything we've seen from her in months! I had never, _ever_ , seen her _this_ happy in a long time. We can't just take him away from her. Think about it, _please_ , Evergreen."

Evergreen is quiet for a moment before she speaks. " She won't become happy in the end, doctor."

"We can't do anything about it. We cannot take him from her. It is not in our power, and it's not in our right, either." Makarov smiles sadly. "Just let him be with her for a while longer."

There is silence for a long time before Evergreen finally speaks up.

"All right… He can be with her… but once she almost recovers, he will have to say goodbye. I don't know _what_ it might take or _how_ it will be done, but I will make sure of it." Her eyes are as cold as steel as she stares down at Makarov. "I just hope that you remember your profession as a doctor and don't prioritize sympathy over recovery, _Mr. Makarov_."

* * *

• • •

* * *

"Hey, Natsu…"

"Yeah?" Natsu looks up from the cats magazine he's reading.

"Can you come with me… to Gray's grave… today?"

Lucy expects him to widen his eyes in surprise or even bring up an inquiry, but none of that happens. Instead, he smiles that knowing smile and nods, closing his magazine and stretching as he stands up from his seat on the bench.

"Wanna race there?" He sends a mischievous grin her way.

"Already ahead of ya!" Lucy shouts, shoving him away and starting to sprint towards the streets.

" _Hoooooooold it!_ " Natsu promptly grabs her by her collar and drags her back before she can get past a few centimeters. "Tsk, tsk, tsk! Impatient girl. I haven't even said ' _start_ ' yet!"

"Heeeeey," Lucy whines. "You just want to get a head start! _No fair!_ "

Natsu laughs boisterously in response, only yelling ' _start_ ' after he dashes past her in a sprint, leaving her in an indignant, shocked state before eventually regaining her composure and running after him.

 _I think that's what I really like about him_ , Lucy hums in her head, grinning her brightest grin. _He's unpredictable, but in a good, exciting way. Sometimes, he's like an open book, and sometimes, he's like an enigma. Sometimes, I even wonder if I'm his soulmate or something; at times, it always seems like he can read my mind._

 _But I'm not sure if I am his soulmate. I don't even know him very well. However… I already feel like we're bound to each other, like destiny pulled us together. I don't mean it in a cheesy way, but I believe there must be some reason why the two of us met._

 _And I think I know now_ , Lucy muses, smiling.

 _I truly think… he came to save me._

* * *

 **tbc**


	5. Chapter 5

When they arrive at the cemetery, Lucy is holding a bouquet of flowers in her hands. It is at this kind of moment that she is glad her father left her everything in his will. She is old enough to be able to earn her own money, yet the hefty sum that Jude left her is enough to support her for several more years to come, possibly even after her death. Lucy, however, does not care about her riches. She doesn't, though, plan on giving it all away to some stranger or heir to her father's business in her will. Only her family — _if she will ever have one_ — or charity can take it all after she dies.

That is, unless she spends it all before that happens.

"Hey, Mira," Lucy greets, placing Mirajane's favourite flower before her grave, and then doing the same thing for the others. "Lisanna, Cana, Jellal, Elfman, Erza, Gray… Everyone… I'm back."

She cannot see Natsu from the way she is crouched down, but she is sure that he is waiting for her patiently, listening but not really registering the words she is saying out of respect for her privacy.

Lucy, as usual, recounts important and unimportant events that happened to her, as well as imagining what her friends' reactions would have been in response to her stories. She imagines Mirajane dressed in her white blouse and blue jeans, smiling her perpetual gentle smile. She imagines Lisanna beside her older sister, looking excited as she tells her some gossips. She imagines Erza scolding both Gray and Elfman as they have another one of their pointless competitions, giving a death glare whenever they get too rowdy. Jellal, as usual, is by her side, just quietly watching with a smile.

 _Gray._

Lucy's eyes mist over as she gazes at Gray, imagining him standing before her, giving her an encouraging look when she hesitates. He always does that. He always tries to be her pillar.

And he always, _always_ succeeds.

She knows that it's time to give up. It's time to let go of the past and move on. That's what Mira, Erza, and the others would've wanted her to do.

That's what _Gray_ would've wanted her to do, too.

 _"Will you marry me?"_

 _She knew she should say yes. That was what she wanted, after all. Every fibre of her being seemed to be bouncing up and down in sheer happiness, and the words she should say were lodged in her throat due to shock and excitement._

 _"I…"_

At that moment, the ring dropped from his fingers. Lucy didn't believe in superstitions, but at that time, it felt like an omen. A _warning_. At that moment, Lucy, for the first time, felt unsure of Gray and their relationship. It was only for a brief moment, more like a passing thought, but she still felt very guilty for it. Then the days passed and that sudden unsure feeling began to rise little by little, overwhelming her, making her think that she wasn't actually ready after all, wasn't _going_ to be ready by then, and that she was unfit for love. Besides, she was only a selfish little child, wasn't she? She had only craved for her own happiness, and it was only her luck that she met Gray and the others. Her mother left her because she had been too selfish, and her father was making near-futile efforts to please her because she was too selfish, also.

The feeling grew until it exploded when she woke up at the hospital days after the accident, mixing in with her extremely painful feeling of grief, emptiness, and loss, causing her to creep into the vestiges of a mental breakdown. Perhaps that was why she went to Gray's grave some time after, desperate to marry him and say the words she couldn't say back then. Ultear had implied to her that it was an absurd thing to do, but strangely, Lucy never thought anything of it. It had just seemed like a normal thing to do at the time, but to other people, it was stupid. Crazy. _Unthinkable_.

Lucy hadn't understood it. No, she never even _tried_ to understand it. Those people who criticized her were _all_ crazy, not _her_. They had _no_ right to judge her. She wasn't doing anything wrong. She wasn't taking her medicine _because_ she _wasn't_ crazy. She _wasn't_.

But now she is taking her meds to recover. She isn't really mentally sick, but if the doctor prescribed them in order to help her recover from her _'illness'_ , then she'd humour him. Besides, she isn't doing it for _him_. She's doing it for _Natsu_. Long ago, she would've just rebelled and stayed in the hospital until she found a way to die, but now, she's determined to leave the hospital once and for all. She doesn't want any more check-ups, counselling, injections, IVs, scars, and whatever other nuisances they frequently subject her with. She wants a _normal_ life, a beautiful, carefree life with Natsu by her side. Granted, she doesn't know if she can ever love again, but she's now willing to _try_. She can _never_ forget Gray, but she acknowledges that it's time to move on.

Gray smiles at her. It is not a sad smile that she imagines, but a happy one. The sight of him looking so happy for her twists her heart, chokes her throat, and allows her tears to flow freely from her eyes. Lucy sobs, knowing that she has to unbuckle the chains she herself made that bound her to him.

" _Goodbye_ ," she cries, and as heart-wrenching as it feels to finally have to let him go, the cage she had built around herself finally disappeared, dispersing in the air into numerous pieces.

Still crying, Lucy reaches out to Gray, wanting to touch him for the last time. She can still see him vividly as if they were on that bus only yesterday. She can still picture out his features, especially his dark hair, his equally-dark eyes, and his beautiful smile.

She touches nothing but air.

It is then that something covers her eyes and wraps arms around her, encasing her in their warmth. She can feel the wetness on her face, her hands, and even her elbows where the tear streaks have come down to. She imagines — no, she _knows_ — that Natsu is comforting her, because he is the only one in this world who sincerely cares for her.

He's the _only_ one.

* * *

 **tbc**


End file.
